Getting married today seems like a risky move. If you look at the statistics, it’s almost depressing. Only about 50% of marriages make it 15 years. Those that make it 25 years is even lower. First marriages tend to be around 7 to 8 years on average. Those with multiple marriage, the failure rate is even higher.
With all the odds seemingly stacked against them, it’s no surprise people are looking for the secrets of a happy marriage. Happy marriages tend to be stronger and last longer. Having a happy marriage takes a lot of work, but the work is worth the effort. Here are 3 secrets to a happy marriage.
1. Communication
Maintaining open lines of communication is the biggest secrets. When couples are not communicating, things tend to fall apart quickly. So what are the important things they need to communicate on?
The biggest issue among marriages that fall apart is money. One spouse might start hiding money and another might hide how much they are really spending. Both are problems. Without a clear picture of the finances, many couples struggle.
Another very important area of communication is in how the children are raised. Both parents should be in agreement on how the children are raised, and if the two parents are not communicating on this, the children may be confused on what is expected of them. This can lead to children acting out.
These are only a couple of the ways in which couples need to communicate.
2. Partnership
When it comes to running a household, a lot of things need to be done. Meals need to be cooked, dishes cleaned, laundry done, lawn mowed, maintenance done on a house… The list goes on and on. Couples need to work together to get the work done. Working together, things get done a lot faster than if one or the other is doing it alone.
If one person is doing all the work and the other does little or nothing to help out, that can build a lot of resentment in the person doing all the work. The workload should be shared between the two. By working as a partnership, both have time for other things.
3. Relationship
Once the couple gets married, they often forget about the relationship. After children come, finding time to spend together gets even harder. But finding time to just be with each other doing fun things together is very important.
If couples don’t get time to spend with each other, making each other feel special and appreciated, then they start looking to get that connection somewhere else. People cheat on their spouse when there is something that they feel they are no longer getting from their spouse.
These are just 3 of the secrets of a happy marriage. By communicating, working together, and taking time to spend together, you can build your own happy marriage.
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Those are very good points! My husband and I work on these often anwhen I see one slipping, we discuss it and try to work it out.
Noemi,
I know I need to work on some of them myself. I probably don’t help out with some of the housework near as much as I should, for example. But I do try.
Thanks for stopping by, Noemi!
Hi Grady,
The first one “Communication” is the biggest. When we communicate it builds trust. Sometimes the communication can break down, because if we have a problem or need help a person can see it as weak and we are scared to show the weak side of ourselves. What couples have to realize is that showing the real us makes and builds that trust.
Marriage can be scare these days, but by using these tips it can be fun and help lead a very happy life together.
Thanks for sharing them.
Debbie
I agree, Debbie. Opening up your weaknesses is very scary, even when it’s with someone we love. But by ignoring the weaknesses, we do a disservice to ourselves and our relationships.
Thanks for stopping by, Debbie!
Thanks for an interesting post, Grady. Reading it made me reflect on how much a good business partnership is like a good marriage. In both, good communication is absolutely critical, tasks must be shared/divided in a way that makes sense, and you can’t get so busy and stressed that you forgot why you partnered up in the first place. Unfortunately, just as with many marriages, many business partnerships end up in “divorce”. If folks follow your tips above, hopefully it will not happen quite so often. Paul
One of the goals of this site, for me on a personal level at least, is exploring successes (or challenges) I have in one area of life and relating them to other areas so I can become a better person. I like how you just did that with comparing marriage to a business partnership. Thanks for this great comparison!
agree with you, trust and patience are two more important elements for successful marriage
Yes, trust and patience are important as well. Trust is built with communication and respect. And there are many times where patience is needed.
Thanks for stopping by, David!
I love this article. I’m a firm believer in working together in any relationship. Great article Grady.
Thank you, Taquila. I agree, working together is very important in any relationship. Thanks for stopping by!
Last night on the way home from a family function one of my kids asked ” how come out of all dads siblings (8 of them) only 3 are still married to their original partner?” this led to a discussion about relationships and friendships alike, focusing on these aspects you outlined. For ourselves, just having child number 5 we must remember to do the 3rd one…..so I think I shall go and organize a ‘date night’!
“Date night” with our spouses is a very important. I am eagerly awaiting the day when I can do them more often with my spouse.
Thanks for stopping by, and good luck with your date night!
Powerful and clear breakdown, Grady. Relationships are always puzzling, and the more we try to demystify our relationships, the more puzzling they become.When we enter into a relationship of love, it is even more complicated – because we are two, uniting as one, and yet we have differently conditioned minds; minds that experienced dissimilar NO’s …WOE’s … Indeed building a Happy Marriage is just that… a building process! It takes work to communicate and ACCEPT rather than fix and change our partners.
That’s a powerful insight there, Rob! Instead of trying to change our partners, we need to accept them, warts and all
Thanks for stopping by!
Hi Grady,
I am new to your site.
I can’t help but feel that you are directly speaking to me after reading this article. All three areas you mentioned, I have problems with and are working real hard at at the moment. Thankful, my wife and I have that inner strength to stick it out and work it out.
On communication, I think you are spot on with money and parenting issues. I have both problems. My wife seem to think money can come and go, no probs, while I feel that if we do not plan our money route, things could quickly get out of control down the years. For parenting , we have our disagreements. She is the pastoral type who will cuddle and love more, while I am the no nonsense disciplinary. I think we are getting better at this because we are actively speaking our rationale for our approach. One final area of communications that I think is worth mentioning is the about our mutual aspirations in life. For example, I love my personal development stuff, but my other half does not seem that interested.
On partnership, I think we are getting good at appreciating each others’ roles in the family. My wife is the main care taker, handling the most intimate aspects of parenting like the feeding, showering, reading and so on. I am the maid and breadwinner for the household. I find it important to recognize that no areas of the family is any less important.
And yes, with my children so young, we hardly spend quality time together these days. It does not help that my wife find it hard to let go of the kids for even a few hours for us to catch a movie. I supposed it is something that has to be endured.
Cheers
Welcome to the site, Jimmy!
To be honest, a lot this is written as much to myself as for everyone else
I still have a long way to go in many areas.
One thing with parenting is that it helps to have a balance. You need to have the love and cuddly moments and times to listen to the situation, but there are times when you need to put your foot down and use a more disciplined approach. It’s a balancing act, to be sure, but an important one. Also, sometimes, we need to allow our children to make mistakes. It may hurt us to do so, but sometimes the best thing we can do for them is nothing. Some lessons are best learned on their own through experience. These lessons tend to stick better and you don’t have to repeat them so often.
Thanks for stopping by, Jimmy!
Cheers Grady for the quick response and good piece of advise on parenting. I think we must not only strike a balance with our children, but it is also important with our spouse. Differences in parenting philosophy need to be properly managed for good meaningful relationships.
Cheers
I try my best to reply to all comments. Thanks, Jimmy! And it’s true, we need to balance things with our spouse, as well as with our children.
Another BIG secret to a happy marriage is NOT SETTLING for the WRONG person, because you LOVE them!! It’s easy to love someone, but is this someone the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? Too many people live in relationships very very unhappy because they love the person, just because you love someone doesn’t mean they are the perfect match for you! Look within and make sure this person TRULY makes you happy and it a good lifetime match before tying the knot to begin with!!!
Settling for the wrong partner can be very damaging. Hopefully, even if that does happen, they will realize it before they start having children. When children become involved, it makes figure out what to do infinitely harder.
Thanks for your comment, Mrs. Jones!
Thanks for an interesting post, Grady. Reading it made me reflect on how much a good business partnership is like a good marriage. In both, good communication is absolutely critical, tasks must be shared/divided in a way that makes sense, and you can’t get so busy and stressed that you forgot why you partnered up in the first place.
The thing about much of what I talk about on the site is that they can be applied in different areas. Communications is definitely one of those things. Thanks for your comments!
You got it right! Putting communication at the number one spot is a must. And if you have problems, you should talk about it together, may it be in a room, in a car or somewhere where you can speak freely. It’s okay to voice out your opinions as long as it is done in a respectful manner. Give each other a chance to speak – give respect.
Very true, Leisa! Communication is so important, I think it’s at the root of almost all conflicts in a marriage in some way or another. Thanks for your comments.
this led to a discussion about relationships and friendships alike, focusing on these aspects you outlined. For ourselves, just having child number 5 we must remember to do the 3rd one…..so I think I shall go and organize a ‘date night’!
Wow… And I find it hard to have time alone with my spouse with just two!
Hope you have a great date night!
As a divorced person, I can say our relationship was in trouble because it was MISSING ALL THREE elements above. Which means in my opinion…the three points above are very good advice. My ex wife failed at the first 2 points, and we both failed miserably at the third point once the kiddies came along.
It does take work to make all three happen. Sorry your marriage didn’t work out for you and best of luck with your future relationships!