How to Have Good Parenting Skills

TantrumThe other day, I was grabbing a sandwich to eat before heading off to work.  A couple with a set of twin girls came in.  Just as the mom stepped up to the counter to order, the two girls ran over to the chips rack and grabbed a bag of chips each.  After telling the girls they had chips at home, the father took the chips from the girls.  Both resisted, but one started throwing a tantrum.  The father started to take the pouting girl outside and was talking to her.  Eventually she did stop pouting.

Seeing this scene made me wonder what are good parenting skills to have?  What is the best way to handle a situation like this?

Parenting Advice: How to Handle Temper Tantrums | Suite101.com

Every child experiences temper tantrums. This article gives tips to parents on how they can handle a child’s temper tantrum.

Publish Date: 09/04/2010 17:17

http://tasha-kelley.suite101.com/parenting-advice–how-to-handle-temper-tantrums-a282406

I think the parent did the right thing handling the tantrum.  The parent remained calm, removed the child from the situation, and talked to her until she calmed down.  But how could the situation have been avoided in the first place?

I’ll get to that in a second, but first, here are some great posts on good parenting skills:

Cultivating Good Parenting Skills | Parenting Skill and Education

Good parenting skills, simply put, is the application of a series of clear-cut result-oriented approach in the rearing of children. In other words, this form of parenting goes way beyond the traditional form of parenting.

Publish Date: 09/22/2010 2:00

http://www.virtualmomblog.com/107-cultivating-good-parenting-skills.html

Parenting Tip – Toddlers Discipline Guide For Learning Good

Parenting Tip – Toddlers Discipline Guide For Learning Good Parenting Skills. Trying to discipline your toddler and deciding on the best and most effective way for both you and your toddler is no easy feat. Some of the most effective

Publish Date: 09/27/2009 2:00

http://www.virtualmomblog.com/183-parenting-tip-toddlers-discipline-guide-for-learning-good-parenting-skills.html

Good Parenting Skills | Parenting Class

Parenting is actually challenging plenty of. So is actually talent. So is actually excellent. Placing all of them along is similar to accomplishing Calculu.

Publish Date: 05/22/2011 20:04

http://parentclass.org/good-parenting-skills.html

Now, in the situation I witnessed, the father should not have forcefully taken the chips away from the children.  That was what started the tantrum.  Yes, they may have had the chips at home.  But I have learned that getting a child to willfully hand over the item, even if it was something they really wanted, will prevent the tantrum in the first place.

With good parenting skills, you can learn to avoid situations like this one from developing, but you can also learn how to handle them when they do happen.

18 comments… add one

  • Michael Harrington September 29, 2011, 3:52 am

    Hi Grady,
    You’ve got lots of great advice here.
    Well done!
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  • Grady Pruitt September 29, 2011, 9:50 pm

    Thank you, Michael! Thanks for stopping by!

    Reply
  • AnneWayman@freelancewriting September 29, 2011, 10:42 am

    Well, yes… in theory I agree, and having raised three I’d also suggest that sometimes kids just fall apart. If you can get them to give up whatever voluntarily, it’s great – if you can’t you either have to pry it away from them or buy it… assuming you’re in a store.

    I can promise, however, that the kids will grow up – really.
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  • Grady Pruitt September 29, 2011, 10:13 pm

    I understand that sometimes kids just fall apart. But my experience with my two is that if I get them to give it up willingly, they may not be happy about giving it up, but they fussed a heck of a lot less.

    Buying it for them is an option, but I think it sends the wrong message. Giving in to what they want, when you’ve already told them no, reduces your power as a parent. As the children get older, this could lead to behavior problems.

    I’m not saying he was wrong in taking the chips away from the child. Simply that the way he did it contributed to the tantrum.

    Thanks for your comments, Anne!

    Reply
  • Debbie @ Happy Maker September 29, 2011, 6:55 pm

    Hi Grady. You have some good links here for parenting and i do agree with you in not forcefully taking it for the child. I would have made the child put it back on the shelf.

    What I always did with my girls if they decided to have a fit in a store. They were taught ahead of time that if this happen I would find the manager of the store and they had to apologize to the manager for disrupting there story.

    Now when it came to my oldest daughter. When she was about 1 year old, she tried the tantrum at home (thank heaven) anyway I stood over the top of her while she was laying on the floor screaming etc and took her arms, legs and moved them a little more. And told her if you are going to throw a tantrum, you must learn to do it right. She stopped go up and walked away. Never tried it again.

    Each child is a little different and I found when one thing didn’t work try something else. staying calm is the key.Nice post and it is very important for a parent to learn how to handle any situation that may come up, while still staying calm.
    Thank Grady,
    Debbie
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  • Grady Pruitt September 29, 2011, 10:44 pm

    Oooh.. I love that idea of having the child apologizing to the manager of the store for the disruption! The child must know to expect it ahead of time though. Great suggestion!

    I also like how you handed the tantrum at home.

    The big key, when a tantrum happens, is definitely to stay calm. By staying calm, you maintain control of the situation.

    Thanks for your comments, Debbie!

    Reply
  • Jimmy September 29, 2011, 8:58 pm

    Haha Grady,

    Is this post specifically meant for me? I can testify to the fact this tantrum things occur for my family a lot these days with m y two tods in toll. The most powerful tool I use here is to pre-empt them of what is to come. If we are heading to the supermarket, we will tell them and explain certain expectations from them. Generally, things will turn out well. But when we forgot to set the stage, all hell can break loose. This is where the other strategies suggested in your links are most helpful.

    cheers
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    Reply
  • Grady Pruitt September 29, 2011, 11:07 pm

    Jimmy,

    Setting expectations is definitely key to preventing tantrums. One thing that might help is to set the expectation as a general rule for whenever you go out, then, all you would need is a simple reminder. This might be harder with a 2 year old, but if you start setting that expectation when they are young, it is easier to reinforce as they grow older.

    Thanks for stopping by, Jimmy!

    Reply
  • Gabriella September 30, 2011, 9:28 am

    Hey Grady,

    Thanks for such endearing advice!

    Gabz

    Reply
  • Grady Pruitt September 30, 2011, 1:08 pm

    Glad you enjoyed it, Gabz!

    Reply
  • Bryce Christiansen September 30, 2011, 11:11 am

    Really cool tips Grady,

    I’m not a father yet, but just became an uncle of probably 50 or so nieces and nephews. Attending family dinners and events can really be a challenge with so many kids. I’m always fascinated by the advice on how to raise children and look forward to the day I can use this as well.

    Thanks,

    Bryce
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  • Grady Pruitt September 30, 2011, 1:13 pm

    Bryce, just because you’re not a parent yet doesn’t mean you can’t start practicing the tips. Many of the parenting tips work great with all children. For example, the tip here about getting the child to willingly give something up is a tip that works with all children. Nobody likes having something forcefully taken from them.

    Thanks for your comments!

    Reply
  • Tom Shivers September 30, 2011, 5:55 pm

    Hi Grady,
    Good point. I’m a new Dad and my daughter isn’t quite old enough for a tantrum yet, but I can see one brewing. I think being forceful is a sign of inner weakness, namely control, and it can be even uglier to deal with than a tantrum.
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  • Grady Pruitt October 1, 2011, 3:39 am

    Tom,

    That’s a great point. In a lot of what I’ve been learning, those things we resist the most are the ones we are trying to have the most control over. And as the Borg say… “Resistance is futile!” (Sorry… Couldn’t help myself :D)

    Thanks for your comments!

    Reply
  • Larry J @ Weight Loss Foods October 31, 2011, 9:43 pm

    As a parent and grandparent the right thing to do is to deal with the tantrum by taking the child out of the situation that caused the tantrum. Being calm and talking to the child about the situation has helped me defuse tantrums. The bigger issue is always to avoid putting the child is a situation that will cause a tantrum. Forcefully taking things away from children has never proved to be the right thing in my case. I always talk to the child and try to get them to understand the issue and talk to them until they change their mind and hand over the item. This usually defuses the tantrum.
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  • Grady Pruitt November 1, 2011, 3:10 am

    Exactly my points there, Larry. That’s why I commended the father for how he handled the tantrum, but did not approve of the event that led to the tantrum in the first place.

    Thanks for your comments!

    Reply
  • Parenting Guide@How To Deal With Temper Tantrums December 4, 2011, 10:25 am

    Preventing tantrums before they happen is always best when possible. Once a tantrum has started it can be very difficult to stop it, especially with children who have learned to get their way by using temper tantrums.
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  • Grady Pruitt December 4, 2011, 1:43 pm

    I agree. And trying to take something away from a child can be one of those things that can lead to a tantrum. Getting a child to willingly give up an object is much better. It may take more time, but worth it for not having to deal with the tantrum (which usually takes much longer to deal with in the long run).

    Thanks for your comments.

    Reply

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